Bonding with Father

Father-and-child bonding activities are gaining popularity in schools
Published in The Straits Times 25 January 2015 by Lea Wee
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When Methodist Girls' School (MGS) held its first father-and-child bonding session last year, the response was so good it had to double its number of participants to 80 pairs.

The two-hour session at the school saw father-and-daughter pairs organised in teams in a friendly game of laser tag.

At St Stephen's School, programmes to get fathers to have breakfast with their sons or to attend an experiential workshop together are also oversubscribed. More than 160 pairs of fathers and sons have taken part in these activities since they were started in 2011.

Bonding activities for fathers and their children are growing more popular in schools.

Mr Danny Teo, programme executive at Centre for Fathering, says more schools are signing up for its seven-hour experiential workshop, which involves each father-and- child pair setting up a barbecue pit together, among other things. About 40 schools have taken part since the programme was started in 2004.

Two years ago, the non-profit organisation also started Breakfast with Dad in schools. More than 20 schools have taken part so far.

Mr Jim Lim, founder of relationship consultancy Real Academy, says he has also received more requests from schools - from none in 2012 to six last year - to tailor its two family bonding activities, such as kiteflying, specifically for fathers and children only.

Madam Lily Tan, the Family- Matters@School coordinator at St Stephen's School, says both father and mother play an important role in a child's healthy development.

But studies suggest that when fathers are actively involved in their children's lives, children are more likely to have higher self-esteem and connect better with their peers as they grow older. They are less likely to get into trouble.

Despite an increasing number of fathers who are more enthused about taking part in bonding activities with their children, there is still room for improvement, says Madam Krishnavijaya Suppiah, the Family Matters@School coordinator at Jing Shan Primary School.

About 80 per cent of those who turn up for family events at her school are mothers, she says.

"Fathers are either busy at work or some still subscribe to the thinking that mothers should attend to every affair of the child," she adds.

She often encourages mothers to urge their husbands to join in. And when fathers do turn up for family events, she would create opportunities for father and child to interact.

Children really appreciate these one-on-one time with their fathers, she has observed. "When you get children coming forward to thank you for organising the event and allowing them to spend those few hours with their fathers, you know it matters to them."

One child who values the time with his father is Elijah Poh, a Primary 4 pupil at Jing Shan Primary School.

Even though he attended a seven-hour workshop two years ago with his father, a 40-year-old assistant director of corporate communications, he could still remember details of what happened.

"It was great teaming up with my father in the games. I remember being blindfolded and how he guided me so well I could find him easily," says the 10-year-old boy.

Mr Lim from Real Academy observes that fathers are keen for the bonding that takes place at his events, which often come with a parenting talk, to go beyond a one-off affair.

Says Mr Lim: "They would ask if I could organise another event or give them a longer talk on how to be better parents."

The growing popularity of such father- and-son bonding activities could partly be traced to the funding that is now available for them under the Ministry of Social and Family Development's FamilyMatters@ School for Fathers, previously known as Fathers@Schools, which was started in 2009.

Mr Ching Wei Hong, council chairman at the non-profit Families for Life, says that an advantage of organising such activities in schools is that parents can be notified of them directly and more quickly through school letters or word of mouth.

Parents have also been asking for more of such activities.

At MGS and Nanyang Girls' High School, such activities were initiated by the parents' support groups.

Mrs Sharon Tay, 47, chairman of MGS ParentLink and a mother of two, says:

"Fathers are an important role model in their daughters' lives and it is all the more meaningful when daughters get to bond with their dads on a special day set aside for them."

Mr Davin Boo, 45, chairman of Nanyang Girls' parent support group and a father of two, adds that fathers tend to have less time for their children because they are more focused on their work.

He says: "With these activities, we hope to get them to spend more quality time with their children."

Nanyang Girls' High School has been organising activities for fathers and daughters since 2012. They include a cooking session at school, obstacle courses at Bedok Reservoir and a kayaking session at Pulau Ubin. So far, more than 150 pairs have taken part.

Fathers and daughters team up during these sessions and, in the process, discover things about each other.

For instance, Mr Kevin Yee, 42, an IT director in the telecommunications industry, who took part in the first two activities last year with his daughter Shan Ning, 14, found that she was tougher than he thought.

While tackling the obstacle course together, she took the most difficult one instead of easier ones that he had expected her to choose.

And Shan Ning found that her dad, whose study desk was often cluttered at home, was more systematic and organised than she thought.

She says: "He took charge and managed to get us through the obstacle course. I had never seen this leadership side of him."

Father and daughter said that they grew closer after those sessions.

Such bonding sessions also allow fathers to spend one-on-one time with their children, which can be hard to come by if they have more than one child, says

Mr Nicholas Michael Pinto, 38, a teacher.

He has taken part in bonding sessions at St Stephen's School with each of his three sons since they were in Primary 1. They are now aged 13, 11 and nine.

Mr Pinto says: "With one-on-one time, you can have a deeper conversation with your kid and they often open up more to you."

Every parent, a supportive partner

The following article is from schoolbag.sg where retired principal, Mrs Jenny Yeo, shares her experience of working with supportive parents, and the benefits yielded from successful partnerships.

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"In your 41 years of service as an educator, have you met parents who are supportive partners in your schools?” a friend asked.

My thoughts immediately went to the encouraging letter from a student’s parents:

“We write to thank you for Melissa's six years at your school. It ended on a high note in year 2009 when she broke the school’s PSLE records…she attributed her outstanding results to all her beloved school teachers…The encouragement that Melissa received from your dedicated teachers have made her believe in herself and spurred her to challenge her own limitations again and again…More than anything else, we would like to thank you for the fun that Melissa had during her time at your school…Your school is a holistic neighbourhood school focused on making each heartland child a dazzling diamond…”

I felt encouraged and affirmed that the school was on the right track. It reinforced my belief that I was touching young lives and making a difference! But I was also mindful of their unstinting support that played a big part. They had full confidence in the teachers, provided constructive feedback, supervised Melissa’s homework and came for “Meet the Parents” sessions to work closely with the teachers.

At MOE’s Work Plan Seminar (WPS) 2014, Minister Heng Swee Keat emphasised the important role of supportive parents.

If a teacher has touched your heart with his or her dedication and passion, how about showing your appreciation through a note or by saying a word of thanks? This will go a long way in cheering teachers and school leaders on. It motivates them to do better in their task of developing the full potential of a student. When providing constructive feedback, use the right tone and approach, focus on the problem rather than the person, and solve it together as partners.

Teachers hope that parents will trust them and believe that they want the best for their students. Parents can support teachers in these ways:

1) Spending quality time with children

Talking to your children makes you aware of what they are experiencing in school and better able to support the teachers.

2) Reading to or with children

Reading is proven method of learning, so developing a love and habit of reading will help them learn.

3) Supervising their studies

If children are in primary school, support the teachers by ensuring that they do their part at home, such as learning their spelling or multiplication tables.

4) Monitoring their character development

Support the school’s holistic approach by encouraging your children to participate in co-curricular activities (CCAs). Make sure they do their part, such as practising music instruments if they are in the Band or Chinese Orchestra.

5) Being part of the Parent Support Groups (PSGs) 

By doing so, you will go beyond supporting your own child and contribute to a larger group of pupils in the school. Parent volunteers also have the opportunity of building rapport with teachers 

South View Primary School benefitted from a strong partnership with the PSG. For example, working with Tamil teachers, the parents organised cultural events and learning journeys to share about Indian dance and music, reinforcing students’ learning and piquing their interest in the language. Parent volunteers and teachers also started the Football CCA. Despite not having a professional coach, the team clinched the title of National Soccer Champion within three years! It is testament to what we can achieve with strong support from a PSG.

We are all here to build the next generation. Parents and schools are key building blocks, so let us work hand in hand, strengthen this partnership and support each other as we help our children to be confident and useful citizens of tomorrow!

+Names have been changed to protect the identity of the students

Hello P1 CCEs!

A warm welcome to all new P1 CCEs!

It is definitely an exciting time as you begin a memorable journey with your girls as they embark on their primary school life.

We had the pleasure of meeting you last Friday (2 January 2015) during the P1 Orientation programme in school.

Thank you to all parents who have signed up for the FamilyMatters@School Talk "Primary School - The Next Adventure" on 10 January 2015 9.00am to 11.30am - an sms reminder will be sent to you this week.

Many have also returned the completed CCE Recruitment Forms, we are heartened to see many dads who have indicated their interest to be more involved in their daughters' school journey. All contact details will be added to our database and you would receive email blasts of upcoming events in due course

For those who were undecided and would now like to be included in the loop, you can fill up the form given and ask your daughter to hand it to her form teacher. Alternatively, you may email us at cce.sacps@yahoo.com.sg with your name, contact number, daughter's name, class and do let us know if there is any specific area that you would like to volunteer.

In the meantime, do browse through the blog to see what we have been up to the last few years and do check in on the blog on regular basis to keep abreast of what is happening.

See you soon @ a CCE event or @ a FamilyMatters@School workshop!

Thank You 2014 P6s CCEs

Mrs Corinna Foo, Mdm Siti Hidayah and the CCE Exco would like to thank all 2014 P6 CCEs for their support and participation of CCE programmes when their girls were in SACPS.

We would like to wish you and your girls all the best as you move on to their secondary school journey.

For those who still have girls in SACPS, we look forward to your continued support.