Parents' Seminar 2014

Guidance Branch of the Ministry of Education organised a Parents’ Seminar  - Helping Children Flourish - Growth in Resilience, Empathy and Hope , on Wednesday 6 August 2014.

The Seminar aimed to help parents understand

- the psychosocial competencies  needed for children to flourish

- the importance of  developing the whole child and learn strategies to support their children and

- the impact of parenting style and expectations on the mental health of children

Following is a sharing by Felicia Seet Tem, a parent from Westwood Primary School, on what she has gained from the Seminar.

My privilege to attend Parents' Seminar 2014 organized by Ministry of Education, entitled "Helping Children Flourish- Growth in Resilience , Empathy and Hope." Guest Of Honour Mr Hawazi Daipi, distinguished speakers Dr Mareen Neihart and Dr Josephine Kim shared beautiful insights which are a must to be shared. 

The word "Flourish" means to thrive under all (adverse) conditions. 

Children this generation mostly no longer worry abt not being clothed or fed. The parenting they require now requires a whole different skill set. In the past, when parents worked hard to bring food home, children may express immense gratitude as they are often hungry and good food was luxurious. 

Parents nowadays may similarly work very hard. In the parents' words, they may say they work so hard to "provide better lives, better enrichment classes, better future FOR THEIR CHILDREN." But, do children perceive or understand it the same way as what parents think "Its for their own good"? Sadly, no. They feel pressurized, misunderstood and judged by their grades.

So what do children need today? And what should parents focus on, for them to flourish in society?

1. Give them enough rest. SLEEP. Sleep is the only time the brain repairs itself. Without ample sleep, children cannot assimilate information neither can they learn well. Do you know that children aged 15-25 need at least 10 hours of sleep?  In addition, cut down on white sugars, eg sodas and pastries: give them HEALTHY food. 

2. Teach them to FORGIVE. Move toward those who have hurt us and remain open to the relationship. 

3. Stop MEANINGLESS praise eg "Wow my Princess went to school today!" Going to sch is not a big deal, everyone goes to sch. When children are brought up in the house with a certain "status", they go to school with a perception that they ought to receive the same attention. When they do not, they may start bullying, to get the "respect " they think they deserve 

4. Stop saving your child. Stop OVER PARENTING. Allow your child to self soothe should they fall. Allow them to deal with setbacks like conflicts or arguments. Do not have the mentality of "Tell mummy, what did your friend or teacher say? Tomorrow I go talk to your Principal"

5. Ask questions that are MEANINGFUL Eg. Tell me what was the highlight of your day? And why did you find it meaningful? They will have to ponder before answering you and that is the start to a true conversation. Avoid questions like "Do homework already? You eat already? Study already?"

6. Be HAPPY ourselves, as their parents! There is no better role model than we ourselves! Make an effort to make a good relationship at home, excellent.

7. Encourage them to have a GRATITUDE Journal . End each day pondering what were 3 good things that happened to them. This will allow the child to learn to be happy. 45% of happiness come from intentional activities !

8. Seek help from SUPPORT GROUPS and parents around. We don't know everything, so be bold enough to acknowledge that we need help. But don't start comparing your child. 

9. Build a TRUSTING relationship with the school TEACHERS. You should not be wanting to hear just about their grades. Questions like "Does my child socialise in school? Does she have friends? Do they work well together?" are very important SOCIAL, MORAL and COGNITIVE skills. Miss anyone out and the essence of "flourish" could lose its meaning. But the teacher must sense that you are non threatening and trusts her. Otherwise, it is hard to be open.

I hope all parents enjoy this "summary" put together, from the very splendid presentations of the speakers. Have a great parenting journey and feel free to share this post.

Thank you Felicia!